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Friday, August 5, 2011

Weightloss Maniac

I have a confession to make. I'm about to bare my soul, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable. It might make you uncomfortable, too, so feel free to head on out. I won't be offended.

I consider myself a relatively normal person, with only a few harmless quirks, and everyone needs quirks, right? But if you were to write me in as a character in a book, I do have one fatal flaw: my weight.

You don't have to know me for very long to realize how much I obsess over it. I think about it ALL THE TIME. It only takes a few conversations with me to pick up on this because I tend to bring it up A LOT.

This has got to be annoying. I must drive everyone crazy.

I struggled a lot to lose weight after my third baby. I gained too much and I felt like I'd never lose it. And then I did. All of it.

Then a crazy thing happened. I lost even more. I weigh less now than I did in college. Which makes me so ecstatic, I can't even tell you. I should be happy. I am. I'm thrilled. But I'm also scared to death that I'll gain that weight back. I'm so terrified of it that I don't know how  be NORMAL.

That's my fatal flaw. Probably not my only one, but my biggest, I think. You know now, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. But if you feel like it, go ahead and confess. What's your fatal flaw?

I hope you all still like me. :)

11 comments:

Mary Aalgaard said...

We are in a weight obsessed world. It's why there are so many eating disorders and girls and women with low self-esteem. Your worth is not measured by your pants size. I can obsess about this, too, but I'm working at just living, making healthy food choices and exercising, and loving all of me, not just my pants size.

Dominique said...

Of course I still like you.

It's not healthy to obsess about one's weight or to live in fear of it. It's one of the reasons I avoid stepping on scales. It's so easy to become slave to the scale. A person is not their weight.

KarenG said...

I used to be like this, Tamara. No matter how thin I was, it wasn't enough. I always lost weight after my pregnancies until I had my last two, then I was diagnosed with a thyroid disease. Now it is very difficult for me to lose weight! But guess what, I feel more content and at peace with my size than I ever did when I was at 110 lbs. How strange is that? I agree with Mary-- avoid the scales and make healthy choices!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

it's not really that I can't be thin enough...it's more like I worked so hard to get to this size, now I'm terrified of losing it! It just makes everything stressful...but yes, I limit weigh-ins to once a week at the gym!

Kasey said...

I think we all have nonsensical things that we obsess about. When it comes to weight I think it's important to keep the obsession a secret from your kids....especially girls. There is too much negative pressure in the world already!

One of my quirks is that I *always* have to have at least one project going. My mind never stops. My husband says the poor squirrel in my brain never sleeps. I'll get out of bed in the middle of the night to add something to a list, because I'm afraid I'll forget by the time I wake up!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

that's funny, Kasey!

and you are right. That's so important. I try very hard not to mention things like fat in front of my kids, but especially in front of my daughter. I want her to get a healthy image of food and fitness and not worry about it the way I do.

Deirdra Eden-Coppel said...

Holy Smoke, Tamara. You are SOOOO TINY! BTW I'm your newest follower. I can't believe I haven't followed you yet. I also want to award you with one of my homemade awards: Powerful Woman Writer Award for all the hard work you do!

Go to http://astorybookworld.blogspot.com/p/awards.html and pick up your award.
~Deirdra

Aaron and Emily said...

I was just reading the article Be of Good Cheer in August's Ensign. It had a part that talked exactly about this!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

I must've missed that part, Em. I'll look over it again.

Lucy Curtis said...

I think it's really brave of you, and puts you ahead of the game to talk about this at all. A lot of people feel like this and just assume it's how you're supposed to feel, rather than taking steps to overcome it and not pass it on. So good for you!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

Thanks, Lucy! I guess it was brave of me. It still makes me nervous that this post is here, for everyone to see how maybe i'm not quite as put together as they thought!

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