Or something like that.
I'm doing too much.
I realized that over the past two days. Every day I teach ESL classes before my children wake up. I've been doing this for years and it's a part of my life. Sometimes I tired, but I can usually take naps during the day to make up for it.
But then I decided to do preschool twice a week with my child and some friends, often in my own house. I figured this was important for Jacen and good for me to have time off. I didn't count on the stress of planning lessons, doing crafts, trying to get several 3 and 4 year olds to pay attention to me.
And then I decided to start substitute teaching on my 'days off.' Or afternoons off. (Like today, I have preschool before noon and sub at the high school after that.) Just one more thing. No big deal, a few hours a week, a few extra dollars.
I was doing fine. Until I offered to babysit a friend's kids for two days a week for a month.
That was the final straw for me. I didn't think it would be a big deal. I thought it would be fine. But when she gave me the wrong schedule and I spent 30 minutes waiting at the enormous daycare for her son to come out (with four kids in the car), and then her daughter forgot her ballet stuff so I couldn't take her to class, and then her kids complained about what we had for dinner and wanted desert, I began to feel a little stressed. That was Tuesday.
Yesterday her class at the university got out late, causing her to miss the bus. Then her phone was turned down too low, so she didn't hear mine or DH's phone calls. At 9:30pm, I was trying to figure out if I should call the police or bunk the kids down for the night or both.
When she finally came and picked her kids up, I told her I couldn't do it anymore.
I felt awful saying this. I really did. I know she was relying on me, and I had told her I could do it. But I COULDN'T. I went to bed in tears because I was so stressed. It shouldn't have been too much for me, but it was.
Preschool's next. We're about to drop out.
And then goes subbing. I just want to be home.
Today I am exhausted, relieved, and feeling very guilty. I feel like a bad mom/friend. Or something.
Moral of the story: JUST SAY NO.