Status: Drafting the fourth book in the PERILOUS series!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Ode to Roommates

It's come to my attention lately that true friends are hard to find.

Ever notice that friendshipping can be a lot like dating? You hang out with a lot of people, waiting to see which ones you click with. You start narrowing it down, getting to know people, until BLING it happens. You and someone, or a group of someones, really really get along, and you're friends. Maybe even best friends.

You love your friends. You talk on the phone. You text/facebook/email each other. You hang out and (my favorite) drop by each other's houses unannounced. It's like this total happy stage.

Most of the time, these friendship, hard as they are to find, are very very enduring. But sometimes, as in dating, there's a break up.

Being dumped is being dumped. You feel rejected, sad, hurt, asking silly questions with no answers, like, "Why? What happened?"

This is so totally high school. Let's grow up, shall we?

When I went to college, I was put in a dorm room with five other girls. We didn't get to shop around to find our friends; it was an 'arranged friendship.'

To this day, I am amazed at the true friendship I found in those girls.

Four of us went on to room together for the next three years of college, until we slowly, one by one, graduated and/or got married.

I miss them. I think there's something to be said for relationships where we are forced to like each other, forced to work things out.

Been dumped lately?

To my friends, I heart you. My life is fuller because you are in it.


Diana Mieczan said...

I agree, friendships cant be forced and one of the best things ever is when you have a group of true friends:) Great post, my dear

Ps: I am hosting a great home decor GIVEAWAY today, so please join in :)

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

Diana, I would sure love to win one of your giveaways! you have awesome ones!

Aaron and Emily said...

It is strange how it can be so hard to find the kind of friend you can drop by on unannounced. They are rare. It makes you wonder if it should be that hard when those roomie "arranged" friendships became so close and longlasting. Of course, there was also the glue to stick it together. I am referring to a certain person (you).

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

Me, Em, I was the glue? you bring tears to my eyes! you're so sweet!

MaDonna Maurer said...

Your post reminded me of my dear college friends. It all started on the 3F East Wing...Those 9 girls are still the ones I go to with the good and the bad news, even though we all live all over the world now. Miss those chickies...need to send them an email today. =)

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

yay, Madonna! yeah, mine live all over the US...all the way to Alaska! Quite unfortunate.

Anonymous said...

As time goes on, you will discover that friends do come and go. We get older. We become grandparents. Our time seems to shrink. There are a few friends that hang in there, and that we hang in with. But they have all, as you say, enriched our lives. They've enriched mine and my daughter's.

Hope you're having a good week!

Stephanie Faris said...

I had to part ways with some friends I had while single...they just weren't fits for me. It's hard to find good friends, especially as you get older.

Kasey said...

Good friends are priceless! I feel I've had many friends in my life, and a very small number of 'best friends.' Break ups suck, but I think they do happen to everyone (some more dramatic and non-sensical than others). I couldn't agree with you more that making friends is like dating. My husband likes to point out when I meet new people and have a 'girl crush.'

There were six of us in the dorms (3 rooms of 2 girls each) that clicked our freshmen year and decided to rent an apartment together our sophomore year. 6 FOREVER friends resulted and I love them dearly. In fact, this spring we are getting together for a 20 yr reunion at Women's Conference, after not seeing each other (the whole group) for over 15 years. I'm super excited!

Wow, I just aged myself. :D

banananutmeg said...

@ Kasey--yah you did! ;>!

I've been dumped from a friendship with the gal pal.
I've also been the dumper. It sucked both times. But just like when dating goes sour and you realize that the guy you're with isn't Mr Right, sometimes a relationship just has to end for the health of both parties involved. It's still heartbreaking though...and the "can we still be friends" line doesn't work out like 99% of the time. Remember, there IS always the 1% of breakups that actually heal and prove that even if you aren't BFF's with each other, you can still be friends and enjoy it.

But if you're not part of that 1%, let it go. There are plenty of other girls in the sea ;) You can only put so much of yourself into a relationship, so if it's not working, it isn't meant to be. I always know when I'm among true friends when it feels effortless to have fun with them.
Give youself some time. You just moved here! Shop around and shop carefully! It takes awhile and you KNOW what happens if you rush a shopping trip. You come home with the wrong size bra and jeans that make you look fat. Good girlfriends, like good men, good bras, and good jeans, should make you feel better about yourself, not worse.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

@Ann--there are already so many friends I've lost touch with. but when I think of them, they are dear to my heart.

@Stephanie--I know what that's like too. it's sad when you feel like your lives are going totally different directions.

@Kasey--yeah, I think you told me about that! I'm super jealous! oh and I love the term 'girl crush.' I totally get those. I hesitate to use it b/c some people misunderstand!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

@Meg--you totally hit it on the head. It should feel effortless. Like it's just right. I am lucky to live in an area with such friendly people. And no kidding! Just like w/ dating, it doesn't work to rush into a friendship! (That's called infatuation, and it ends quick!)

Melissa J. Cunningham said...

Great post. I totally get it. I haven't been dumped lately, thank heavens but it's hard no matter your age. Can't wait to see you!

ali said...

That is awesome! You were so smart to stay friends ... I've often been too quick in my life to move on and away from friendships (and family) and I've always regretted it. Friendships are a lot of work and very valuable and precious. They should never be taken for granted!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

@Melissa--yes! It will be great!

@Ali--I'm learning. There are a lot of people I wish I'd stayed in touch w/ and am now trying to reunite with.

Stephanie Black said...

Friends are such a great blessing! My daughter has wonderful roommates this year--she only knew one of them before the year started, but they're all wonderful girls, and I'm so grateful. Good friends make such a difference.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

@Stephanie--it's so true!

Jen Daiker said...

I'm a little late to the party but have recently ran into this problem. I have two friends that are my life. We email everyday and though we live thousands of miles apart we know everything there is about one another.

However moving to Houston caused a bit of an issue in the friend department. One by one Im finding friends but if it weren't for blogging I think I'd be friendless in this big city.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

It's certainly had, jen! Of course I wrote this post b/c I recently got dumped, by someone who I really liked. She just totally lost interest in being my friend!

Nee Nee said...

Nice. I think I may be the dumper... don't know how I feel about that but... gotta do what I gotta do!

This may just be a momentary feeling cause I love my girls!

Thanks for checking out my blog!

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