Status: Drafting the fourth book in the PERILOUS series!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Pathetic Girl

You know that girl in books and movies who drives you nuts because she's so spineless? She obsesses over the wrong guy, calls him constantly, doesn't MOVE ON when it's obvious she should. She's the worst protagonist because she makes you groan and roll your eyes. The pathetic girl needs to get a grip.

That girl was me.

I was the sad, pathetic girl who clung to the confident, cocky, arrogant, self-obsessed boy, inflating his ego by the second because nothing he did would get rid of me. Enter the following cases (names and details have been changed to protect the guilty).

The Case of the Pathetic Girl #1:
Home Dude and I started out as merely friends. He had a girlfriend and we spent a lot of time together, just chilling and laughing and having a good time. Somewhere in that spending time together, Home Dude and I realized we liked each other. Problem: girlfriend. Neither of us was a fan of cheaters, and he said he would break up with her because he wanted to be with me. We continued to spend time together, trying hard to just be friends, and I waited. And waited. And waited. Home Dude would complain about Girlfriend non-stop, infuriating me because he wouldn't break up with her.

What I should have done: WALKED AWAY. Realized he was too cowardly to break up with Girlfriend and had enough pride to remain single.

What I did: Called Home Dude daily and nagged him constantly to break up with her.

End result: Home Dude quit answering my phone calls.

The Case of the Pathetic Girl #2:
Macho Man's family was planning a family vacation to the beach. I got together with Macho Man's mom and arranged to stay with the family at the beach as a surprise to Macho Man. The day before my friend drove me to the beach, I let it slip to Macho Man that I was coming. Warning sign: He wasn't excited. In fact, he seemed nervous. I let it go. Maybe he had indigestion. My friend drops me off and stays with some other friends close by. Macho Man acts a little distant and funny but won't give me any definite answers until day #2. On day #2, he admits there's another woman. WHAT?!?

What I should have done: Walked out of the beach house, called my friend, and gone to stay with her. Never talked to him again.

What I did: Spent the next three months calling, visiting, sending flowers, and making a fool out of myself trying to show him I was the better woman.

End result: Every time he had a fight with her, he called me up and acted like he wanted to get back together, stringing me along for as long as I was willing to put up with it.

Case of the Pathetic Girl #3:
YoYo Boy and I had reached a point in our relationship where marriage was on the table. He suddenly begins to have a cold feet reaction every time it got brought up, which is quite concerning. But nothing seems wrong with the relationship, so I think maybe we just needed to slow down. And then one time I call, and his mom tells me she's not SUPPOSED TO TELL ME, but he's out with his ex-girlfriend. I confront him, he gets mad that his mom told me, and tells me that he just can't choose between the two of us.

What I should have done: BROKEN UP with him! You don't offer a girl a wedding ring and then tell her you're not sure.

What I did: Moved in with his sister so he could see me on a daily basis while he decided which girl to marry.

End Result: He never did break up with me. I figured it out on my own when he quit calling me and then they got married.

Lesson I hope to teach my daughters: Don't ever be pathetic! And remember, there's always another woman, so play hard to get! Make him do the chasing!

(And that is how I got my husband.)

How did you learn not to be pathetic? The hard way (like me) or from watching other people?


Elisa said...

Wow, you really layed it all out on the table. I admire that kind of internet honesty.

I was pathetic, but always from a distance. I was one of those piners without the guts enough to actually make my feelings known. I got over it in college when I had a strange relationship with the first guy I'd ever actually TOLD how I felt and still nothing good came of it and then an awful conversation with another who really strung me along. I guess I just realized if they weren't in to pursuing me as much as I was into them, it wasn't what I wanted anyway. Then when something mutual came along, there was not drama and I was so happy the whole time... and that's how I found my husband.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

I'm all in favor of playing hard to get. If he wants you, he'll chase. If he doesn't, move on! I wish I'd known it when I was younger!

Anonymous said...

I'm generally surrounded by people that have made mondo-uber-super-big mistakes and I was raised to be smart enough to recognize that they were mistakes and do my best to avoid them.

I definitely learn from observing. :)

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

good for you, Mireyah! I wish I'd had that common sense!

Dominique said...

Learning. The knowledge seems to come and go, since my mind doesn't like making connections between related scenarios. My brain is punishing me for something.

I prefer to suck all the wisdom possible out of other people's mistakes, but quite frankly, I don't think anyone gets anywhere without making some mistakes of their own along the way.

SB said...

I so want to ensure my daughter knows how to be the hard to get girl. and that no matter how much you want to show the guy you're great, the hard to get play will show him that!

I was pathetic from around age fifteen until 23 (and even after at points)...but I bought the book, why men love bitches, and followed many of its essential points, and am married to j.b. now i am not one to believe in self-help books. but sometimes we are so entrenched in a behaviour that we need that external source to push us!!! E has my hubby's genes, and his family is quite self-assured, so I hope this trait is part of her dna!!!

Sara McClung ♥ said...

I learned the MAJOR hardway. I saw myself in your stories, almost to a T! As "pathetic" as the tales were, it's easy to think that way after the fact... But when you're really in love with someone, it is SO hard to grow the spine that you really need to have!! (But how AWESOME does it feel when you finally grow it?)

Vicky said...

I'm all for that, chica! When I like a guy, people are always like, "Why don't you make the first move?" And I'm like, "No, I'm tired of that. If he wants me, he'll do something about it." I was that girl once too. But I won't be anymore! :)

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

good for you, Vicky! Way to learn fast!

Too true, Dominique. We must learn some of our own lessons. I just wish I'd been a faster learner!

SB--I was pathetic until age 23 too! Then I got burned for the LAST time. It totally hardened me. Made me the mean girl. And that's when I met DH!

Sarah--ugh! So sorry you went through that too! It's liked we ASKED to be victimized.

Aaron and Emily said...

Whoa, I wonder who 1 and 2 were... I probably know one, but I didn't know the specifics. I think 3 was just despicable, he really led you on. I mean c'mon he DID give you a ring. HE was the pathetic one. (you still have that?)

I think after being pathetic once or twice, I decided I didn't want to be, and spent a long time just being ALONE! But that's okay, because my husband chased me too. Hard. Loved it.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

ha ha Em! Of course you know the last one. The other two shall remain anonymous! #3 was pretty lame. I gave the ring back, but I made him work for it.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...